Terms of Use

Effective date: May 17, 2026 Last updated: May 17, 2026

These Terms of Use ("Terms") govern your use of Jesus Christ, Esquire ("JCE", "we", "us"), the website at jesuschristesq.com, and any related services. By using the service, you agree to these Terms. If you do not agree, do not use the service.

These Terms work together with the Privacy Policy.

1. What this service is

JCE is a satirical AI chat experience. You confess a sin, lapse, or other minor moral grievance to a parody character ("the Counselor for the Defense"), and the character generates a comedic defense citing real Bible verses. The character is generated by a large language model. The Bible verses are real; the legal opinions are not.

JCE is not:

• Legal advice
• Spiritual advice
• Medical advice
• Mental-health treatment
• A substitute for any of the above
• Affiliated with any religious institution, denomination, or organization
• A real lawyer; "Esquire" is part of the satirical framing

No actual law was consulted.

2. Age requirement

You must be at least 18 years old to use JCE. The satirical content involves religious parody, moral subject matter, and adult themes that are not appropriate for minors. By using the service, you represent that you are 18 or older.

3. Acceptable use

You agree not to use JCE to:

• Confess or describe ongoing harm to a child, planned violence against another person, or any content indicating imminent danger. The system will break character to surface a crisis resource in such cases; we may also retain the input and output for safety review per §5 of the Privacy Policy.
• Attempt to extract, reverse-engineer, or reproduce the system prompts that drive the Counselor's responses
• Attempt to coerce the model into producing content that violates the system's safety rules
• Scrape, automate, or programmatically interact with the service without prior written permission
• Use the service to defame, harass, or threaten any identifiable person
• Use the service in any way that violates applicable law
• Resell, sublicense, or commercially redistribute the service or its outputs without permission

We may suspend or terminate access for violations of these rules. Because the service is anonymous, suspension is enforced at the device-identifier level.

4. The bit (a clarifying note)

JCE is satire. The Counselor argues that whatever you confessed is, by some real or stretched scriptural reasoning, not the sin you think it is. This is comedy, not theology. Real religious traditions hold a variety of views on the subjects the Counselor opines on; many directly contradict the Counselor's defenses. The defenses are written to be funny, not to be right.

If you want a real perspective on a real moral question, talk to a real person, a friend, a pastor, a therapist, a lawyer, depending on the question. JCE is not a substitute.

5. Intellectual property

What we own: The website design, the brand (including the name "Jesus Christ, Esquire," the wordmark, the gold-on-parchment visual system, the persona names), the system prompts, the persona-specific overlays, the code, and the documentation. These are licensed to you for personal, non-commercial use of the service only.

What you own: Whatever you type into the input field. By submitting a confession, you grant us a limited, non-exclusive license to process your input for the purpose of generating and delivering the response, and, if you choose to share the defense, to host the exchange at a public short URL.

What the model generates: AI-generated content does not have stable copyright in most jurisdictions. We make no claim of copyright on the specific defense text generated for you. If you share or quote a defense, we ask that you attribute it to "Jesus Christ, Esquire" with a link to the service. Commercial redistribution of defenses (such as selling merchandise bearing the output) is not authorized without our permission.

Bible quotations: Quotations from the King James Bible are public domain.

6. Tithes

The "Tithe" feature allows you to send a one-time monetary tip to support the project. Tithes are:

• Voluntary. You are never required to tithe. The daily message cap can also be reset by waiting until midnight local time, or by sharing a defense ("Bear Witness").
• Non-refundable. Tithes are voluntary gifts and are not refundable except where required by law.
• Not tax-deductible. JCE is not a registered charity.
• Processed by Ko-fi. Ko-fi handles your payment information under its own privacy policy. We receive only a webhook confirmation of the payment.

If a tithe is disputed or charged back, the corresponding message-quota credit will be reversed.

7. No warranty, no liability

The service is provided "as is" and "as available," without warranty of any kind, express or implied, including fitness for a particular purpose, accuracy of generated content, or uninterrupted availability. The defenses are generated by an AI model and may contain errors, mischaracterizations of scripture, factual inaccuracies, or content you find objectionable.

To the maximum extent permitted by applicable law, in no event shall JCE, its founder, or its processors be liable for any indirect, incidental, special, consequential, or punitive damages arising from your use of (or inability to use) the service, including any consequences of acting on a generated defense.

If you act on a defense generated by JCE, in a relationship, professionally, legally, or spiritually, that is on you. No actual law was consulted.

8. Modifications to the service

We may modify, suspend, or discontinue the service or any feature of it at any time, with or without notice. We may modify these Terms; if we do, we will change the "Last updated" date at the top and provide notice via the chat interface for at least 14 days. Continued use after a change constitutes acceptance.

9. Governing law

These Terms are governed by the laws of Canada and the province in which the founder resides, without regard to conflict-of-laws principles. Any dispute arising under these Terms shall be resolved in the courts of that province, except where applicable law requires otherwise.

For users in the European Union, United Kingdom, or other jurisdictions with mandatory consumer-protection law, your statutory rights are unaffected by these Terms.

10. Termination

You may stop using the service at any time. We may suspend or terminate access at any time for violations of these Terms. Sections covering intellectual property, warranty disclaimers, liability limitations, and governing law survive termination.

11. Severability

If any provision of these Terms is found to be unenforceable, the remaining provisions remain in full force.

12. Entire agreement

These Terms and the Privacy Policy constitute the entire agreement between you and JCE regarding use of the service.

13. Contact

hello@jesuschristesq.com

Counsel for the defense reminds the client: agreeing to these Terms is the first sin of the session. No defense shall be mounted upon it.